


Erasing Myself

by Innocentfighter



Series: Fading Shadow [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M, Mental illness kind of, One-sided Kuroko/his lights, Other, POV Change, Sorry angst, aokaga - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 00:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1707536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Innocentfighter/pseuds/Innocentfighter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I gazed at my creamy white skin, unmarred by anything. Drawn to my hand where the calluses that came from handling a ball every day where healing and leaving nothing but a smooth expanse of skin.I'm even erasing myself. Sequel to Against Two Lights, you may need to read that one first for the back story. Angst ahead. AoKaga Onesided!Kuroko</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erasing Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm... Opps, my hand slipped. This is not what I had planned, but once again I was playing with styles and this is the product of that. Its a vauge piece, but I wanted it to be like that. I'll tell you why at the the bottom if I see you there.
> 
> DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN KNB

When did breathing become redundant? Why has it come to the point where I find a needed part of life taxing? Whoever created love deserved a painful death.

Though the person that created my fate or destiny had a twisted since of humor. Wasn't there supposed to be a cosmic balance in life? There was supposed to be a good that equals the bad.

I want to know why it is that I fell in love with two people and I can't be together with either of them they were together.

I figure that I should be alarmed. That I probably should worry about my health, whatever I eat I can't keep down. Even when I don't eat I can't keep anything down. The only other place I seem to be these days, besides my bedroom, is floor of the bathroom.

My parents of course don't notice. The rare days I motivate myself to go to school in don't stay long after I see them all too familiar red. The teachers figured that I was ill… my classmates however didn't notice.

Except for that godforsaken red.

In some ways living itself has become a chore. an endless cycle of waking up in pain and crying vomiting whatever I ate the night before or just bile if I hadn't had the energy go get out of bed. Then I would lay in until I have the urge to expunge some more of my stomach. Then back to bed.

My excitement was the days I went to school.

Some days he surprises me; and tries to ask if everything is all right.

It's clearly not.

It hurts, and I wonder if he's only trying to be polite. If he truly cared then wouldn't he put more effort in chasing me down when we I ignore him and walk away.

This life is a curse.

I had always been told that it was a blessing and should be cherished. That life was a gift. If that's the case is there a return policy? I am not religious by nature, though if there truly was a merciful god then why wouldn't he answer my prayer. "Please don't let me wake up in the morning." Surely God wouldn't want one of his charges to suffer this much, I live in a hell on earth, surely a god could notice my presence, surely he wouldn't want his charges to suffer this were they just ignoring me as I had done my heart?

It seems plausible but cruel none the less. Why did love have to be physical as much as it was emotional? Every day I was in pain without them but every time that I saw them the pain became unbearable. I could not win. They sometimes looked through me. As if I had faded away. In a way I had. I never spoke anymore. I never go to school. I have no contact with anyone and no one has tried to contact me. It was the same as before, when I hadn't had an interest besides reading. I hadn't had a friend nor even a person I talked to. Ogiwara changed that. But he'd never forgive me.

Neither would Aomine or Kagami if I told them. If they ever heard me that is. My fear of being forgotten was the only thing that kept me from disappearing completely. Though I may already be nothing more than a faded memory by now.

What to do? This I contemplated when I returned from another gut purging.

I knew my flaws. I was a coward only wanting company instead of an actual life. That's why I made such a good shadow… They don't actually exist after all. They were created to show the light, but they were only formed when there was something to cast a shadow of. If there is nothing then the light is still present but a shadow is not. The object had been removed, it was the limitations that they had as a single light. Therefore I no longer existed.

But the question remains do I make my metaphor a reality?

I wonder.

Everyone could live without a shadow, the world would not be broken up, perhaps some of the contrast would be missing, but soon the world would become adapted to the lack of shadows. To the lack of darkness.

Though if the light disappeared completely the world would be drenched in darkness. There would be no more life, all that would become of the world is a cold, dark, place. There would be no emotions such as happiness or love, friendship, passion. The blackness would swallow it up.

It was no doubt that light was stronger than dark. Even if the light was faint, you could see it piercing the blackness.

In truth there was no such thing as a complete black for if there is one light, it would grow and consume the dark, and it would consume the shadow.

I suppose it was irony when I arrived in an abandoned basketball court on the darkest night of the year. It was a rare time when I felt like I could join the world that did not know my pain, even if they didn't know of my existence. Granted it was somewhere past time to sleep and before the time to start the day. There was not another soul in sight.

I stepped past the fence and walked to the center of the court. Unwelcome memories flooded me, of a time when I was graced with light.

Light came from heaven. I was destined for hell.

I stretched my arm out and clenched my fist as I had done so many times before and raised it. Waiting for any sign that the universe acknowledged my last attempt to be returned to where the world of light.

Nothing.

I gazed at my creamy white skin, unmarred by anything. Drawn to my hand where the calluses that came from handling a ball every day where healing and leaving nothing but a smooth expanse of skin.

_I'm even erasing myself._

I titled my head as I gaze at my hand a few minutes more. I lifted my gaze so now it was focused on the sky. There was not a sign of the moon nor stars. It was overcast. Where the sky should've been dark there was light. The city's light so bright it illuminated the sky.

I looked at where I was standing. The city's lights, the lives of hundreds of people, did not reach this lonely court at midnight.

' _I've been reaching for the sky when I could not leave the ground."_

I thought back to my own lights. One felt at home when he was in the air, the sky welcomed him like a child. The other could move like the wind, and change his form like a cloud. They fit each other more than I. As a shadow I was bound in the form of which the object was cast and I could not leave the ground. Only move with the direction of the light.

Earthbound.

Light could not find me here.

Darkness folded in around me.

I fell to the earth to which I was bound.

I stared at the ground as it blurred beneath me, my body shook violently. The earth pitched, causing me to fall. It was trying to swallow me.

For once I allowed it. Knowing that there would be no light where I was going.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the bottom! So I promised I wanted to explain. The vaugeness was because I wanted to show how withdrawn Kuroko had become and how at this point he didn't notice anyone but Aomine and Kagami, and I think I hit the nail on the head with this one! So hope you enjoyed, and apologies for the agnst.


End file.
